additional freeing shadow pieces exercises…

other simple exercises learned on some of my training and/or experiences;

◊ when ‘triggered’ by a behaviour of someone else, or a word etc, we can simply ask ourselves; . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . when have I been like that? . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . .  in what way do i do that in my life? . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . sometimes just realising that, is process enough… . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .. . . .and we can also add questions like . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . in what kind of situations could being this way be beneficial?

and we can consciously step into this role, and play with it…test the waters, feel how it feels….

and we can even name the piece we are stepping into…e.g. i’m stepping into….

with sharing with my son shadow work learnings, (and sometimes if one of us loses control we can do this, to assist us make ourselves more conscious of what we are doing etc), we sometimes say things like ………………………….. .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . .             . . .  ‘i am doing angry role…’ ‘i am doing happy role’ i am doing sensible role’, ‘i’m doing silly role’ etc….. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . admittedly, when doing this with my son, this often turns into ‘i’m doing forward roll’, ‘i’m doing toilet roll’, but that’s great too i think, to release tension and lighten this work up.

~ there is also an exercises where we can look into a mirror, and say to our reflection what it is that is annoying you/winding you up about a certain individual, or what you think is wonderful about another individual. . . . . . …… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   looking into the mirror – we can say things like (depending on the relevance of each sentence)… . . . . . …… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . …… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . …… . . . . . . . . . . . you are…..[whatever the behaviour etc is] . . . . . …… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . …… . . . . . . . . . . . ii’m sick and tired of you you…    …………… …………………………… . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .     . i love it when you….(for ‘light shadows’-where you think the other person is great but are not accepting it as part of you too).’ i love .  ‘I’m sick and tired of you………….’’ . . … .…and then we can keep repeating (adding as much detail as needed) until the emotional charge has gone.

this can assist the realisation and understanding of how this behaviour can happen, enabling us to more easily accept this part as ourselves too, rather than just the other individual.

~ you can also imagine the person who has triggered you in front of you, and imagine talking to them,  saying ‘thank you for allowing my projection of…..’.  and in doing so, owning that projection, bringing it back off them, and accepting as part of you.

with this exercise, plotkin suggests saying it to the person physically, though of course, it would have to be part of a mutually agreed exercise. in ‘soulcraft’ plotkin also talks about physically having others acting out ‘shadows’ towards him to assist him find the realisations, acceptance and gifts in these pieces. i haven’t felt the need to do this, as other exercises have worked fine for me, but if doing so, again it would be best in a group of great understanding, and in a group and place where it feels safe to do so.

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in one debbie ford book, two people work together, with one person saying  ‘you are…..’ (whichever the shadow piece is),until there is no charge left. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~can also playfully saying to self and/or others (again in a time and place that’s safe and understanding to do so….. , , , ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, , , , , ,                             , , . . . . . . . . . .‘i am …… , ‘i am..(it’s opposite)…….’ e.g. ‘i am stupid. i am clever’, , , ,,,. . .,,,,. . . ,,,,,,,,,,and (if mutually agreed and mutally feels safe to do so ) , and . .. . . . . . , , ,,,,,,,,,,,’you are…….’ ‘you are. (it’s opposite)..’ . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. this can assist find a shadow piece (i.e. if the word provokes and emotional charge of some kind, it is likely an indicator that it’s a shadow piece), and the repetition can release the emotional charge, and reinstall and reintegrate the piece as part of ourselves.

i learnt this from sharing learning about shadow work with my son, for some reason we started saying with me feeling relief from ‘I am good, I am evil’, and him from starting saying ‘i’m clever. i am stupid’. and noticed there are similar exercises in debbie ford and bill plotkin books and on my training.

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instead of saying to self or others ‘don’t be…..(this or that)’…  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . saying something like……  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ‘well sometimes that kind of behaviour is useful, but right now, it would be useful to be…..’ ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ..  . . .  . . . . . …….. or….  ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ..  . . .  . . . .    ‘there are times to be (e.g. loud), there are times to be (e.g. quiet), now it’s a good time to be (e.g.quiet) ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . .          and ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ..  . . .  . . . . . ………it’s great that you can be (e.g. ignoring of what people say), that’s really useful in some situations, this is a situation where it is most useful to (e.g. listen and take notice of what they are saying). ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . …………. …….. . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . ..  . . .  . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ……’it’s great to be loud when….. though it’s great to be quiet now because…..’ ..  . . .  . . . . . ………………. . . . . . . . . etc etc

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another exercise is the writing of a letter to the person who is annoying us/who we love etc. let it all out, call them names, say what you loathe/love about them, then rip it up, and ‘own’ those names, behaviours etc. (e.g. by standing in front of a mirror, doing a visualisation etc.

similarly another exercise suggests writing a letter to the trait itself that you dislike/ hate / love – saying what you hate / love about it, then own it.

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every time we see some behaviour/trait that ‘pushes our buttons’, has a ‘charge for us’ etc, we can simply say ‘I am like that, they are within me’

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when someone projects a quality/trait on you, e.g. saying ‘you are useless’,  perhaps saying to self or out loud ‘yes I can be useless sometimes – you got a problem with that…..! or something like  ‘i can be useless sometimes, just like we all can be, but i’m also useful at times too’

(or if triggered, i might add ‘ooo, that’s a shadow i haven’t integrated, cheers ; )

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Bly and Plotkin remind us that shadows are really useful, allowing us to find what we may have hidden so well, without that person receiving that projection onto them, it could have been very difficult to find those parts of us.

 “You weren’t born with your shadow. Babies love and accept themselves; they poop all over themselves and then laugh with glee. They don’t judge themselves harshly and think some parts are good and some parts are bad. There are only two natural fears — fear of falling and fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned or conditioned by your family, culture, and upbringing; and what you have learned, you can unlearn!”

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it may help to find where the shadow came from, our friends? family? a specific  situation               e.g.  » asking why did I give it up?

did i (with help of friends/family/teachers etc?) decide that these qualities are not approved ways to be, i gave it up?

did i give it up to…?………be loved?

belong?

be seen?

be part of human family, our culture?

gain approval?

to rebel?

to gain attention?

and we can uncover what’s behind certain words, so we can take back these disowned parts…

we can ask

‘what is my judgement of this behaviour/trait?’

‘do i know when this first judgement came from?’

‘when do i remember first judging it this way?’

‘who was the judgement was taken from?           ‘

‘is there an occasion when i (or someone else) did something, and was laughed at/scolded/condemned and vowed to never be like that ever never again?

is there an occasion when i (or someone else) did something, and was praised (by self and/or others) so I vowed to be like that, and hid it’s opposite.

à notice if we’re ‘holding’ someone as a particular trait,  labelling them as a certain behaviour/trait and process it self instead.

ΦΦΦΦΦ

extra note:     ‘sometimes the question is not whether you have a specific trait at the moment but whether you could display that trait under different circumstances” (Debbie Ford)

and for some cases, if having difficulty accepting part of self, there may be a need to  break down general statements into specific qualities

e.g. asking

‘what kind of person would (do this)……  a selfish person? ignorant? thoughtless?

‘what kind of person does/doesn’t……. (do this)

‘could i be like that?’ ‘when in my life have i been ‘selfish? ignorant? thoughtless?’

(and can go on to  ‘when is it useful to be selfish’ )

‘what kind of person does/doesn’t……. (do this)

Φ and/or asking

is there any situation/experience that could cause that you would act in that way?

if……… and ……… happened to me – could i be like that?

– could i have begun acting that way having experience what they experienced

– if i was in a certain situation, might i act that way?

 ΦΦΦΦΦΦ

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extra notes (from four winds west course with chris waters):

“ also realising
we are a consciousness – spilt into a myriad of consciousnesses
a myriad of pieces….to explore ourselves
we are a fraction of a whole
our job with this, is to reclaim us back
so I know all aspect of my self……
“if you don’t see yourself as a microcosm of the entire universe, you’ll continue to live your life as a separate individual, looking outward instead of inward for answers and direction…maintaining illusion that your not really connected…..and stay behind d mask to feel safe and secure….
but if you embrace the totality of the universe within yourself, you embrace the totality of the human race”

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Don’t splat yourself on people!
e.g. if we suppress anger. rage, enraging self, we can make ourselves sick/depressed/etc with it-
then rage can work itself out
-don’t splat it on people
instead of splatting and saying  I’m angry at you, or ‘you’re making me feel that ‘
you can say  ‘I’m angry’ or
‘I’m angry because I’m telling myself that…….’
……’and I’m feeling that’…
[non violent communication by m rosenburg is excellent too ‘when you….i feel……could you/we…..instead’)
and if we do our personal shadow work, of course, it can remove any rage/urge to splat!]

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Step out of any drama triangles
freeing yourselves and others from the binds of ‘perpetrator, victim and rescuer’ dramas in life – don’t  allow self to be caught in any of these
if someone’s angling for a fight, don’t have buttons they can press (i.e. integrate any shadows)
if find buttons are being pressed – do shadow work on these
Don’t hold people as anything.
hold anyone as anything, and you’re holding parts of yourself too
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
Find your power, own it and work with it

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