shadow freeing

” ” ” ” ” ”Here are some of the personal work that is done in the ‘west’ part of the healing spiral. As these are revision notes, pls feel free to mail or skype me for more info (and/or check out the recommended books, courses – plus we can work on some together in sessions) ” ” ” ”
Into the shadow freeing:
Reclaiming Self
  1. Find the shadows:  pull them out of our black bag-
some things to help us see what is in the bag =
finding:
what pushes our buttons
what it is that we dislike/hate/irritates us about others
what it is we like/love/admire about others (for light shadows)
what it is that we wouldn’t like said about ourselves
what our deepest fear of us being is?
what are we prejudiced about?
“aspects hidden from ourselves have life of their own, and always trying to get our intention in order to be accepted and integrated into our whole self” (Debbie Ford)
also can
* make lists of qualities that we like and dislike in people we admire/dislike – can break down general statements into specific qualities ‘what kind of person would (do this)…… what kind of person does/doesn’t……. (do this)
* write what you wouldn’t like being written about you in newspaper
* look at D Fords lists of traits, and find which have a charge, saying ‘I’m…..’ , and/or meditating on each one……. [i might do a list on this site in the future too ]
[ so if someone says e.g. .you’re useless’, can answer, yes I can be useless sometimes – you got a problem with that…..! ]
* observe own judgements/opinions about people and what advice you give them….
‘only when I was convinced that I was not capable of certain behaviour would I get upset and point my finger at the other person….it took the focus off me….’
‘ ……imagine if you held your hand straight out and pointing thee finger of judgement/blame at them – notice that you have one finger pointing at them, and three pointing back to yourself!’ (Debbie Ford)
[because they are shadows we may not know that they belong to us, but we can remember that we are everything]
* and asking, if someone/something triggers anger in you:
– when have I been like that?
– can you think of an occasion when you did something, and was laughed at/scolded/condemned etc and vowed to never be like that ever never again?
and:
– could i be like that?
– is there any situation/experience that could cause that you would act in that way?
– if……… and ……… happened to me – could I be like that.
– if …and …had happened to be, could I have begun acting like that?
– what kind of person could be like that?
– what kind of person would do that?
‘sometimes the question is not whether you have a specific trait at the moment but whether you could display that trait under different circumstances” (Debbie Ford)
[some shadows are easier than others to accept as part of ourselves, there are certain ones that I found most difficult. the most shocking ones. these, though difficult, are still possible to be done, by asking, if , in a certain extreme situation, then perhaps i might actually act in that way, and/or if we had had the life that that person had lived, perhaps it might have resulted in us acting that way – some situations it is difficult to say how exactly we would act. … another way of doing this,  suitable for the most harsh ones, would be to ask, ok ‘what kind of person would do this, and focus on accepting the characteristic of the type of person that would do this (e.g. selfish or uncaring what they did to someone else etc) – I can add/send an example of any that may be more difficult to accept as part of us if you’re trying this and could do with some suggestions, but i guess most people start off with the easier ones  ].
2.  Work with the shadows :
this can be a challenge…
psychotherapy can help with this
but it’s good to take it out of the mental…
and into the mythic – the lannguage of the soul – that speaks in myths and legends….
so we can picturing the holding of a bag that there is to delve into……………………………………………..          …. a bag that holds those parts of you that you tried to hide…
☼ We can take a part out of the bag, and ask : what are you?
what part of my life are you?
why did I give it up?
I gave it up to…?………to be loved?
to belong?
to be seen?
to be part of human family, our culture?
to gain approval?
to rebel?
to gain attention?
to….?
and through this, and other exercises, this part can be brought into the light,
accepted as part of ourselves,
and, being accepted, it no longer needs to try vi for your attention,
and we can then choose if or when we wish to act in that way…
♪   Exercises in Debbie Ford’s book(s) incl. exercises (35+ :
– ‘meet sacred self’
‘meeting your shadow’
‘sacred self embracing shadow self’
(as sacred self embraces shadowest of shadow self, and the two begin to integrate)
♪  looking at situations how and when can this way of being can be a useful/good way to be?
[this especially useful, on its own, and as part of the ‘bus exercise’ i use it lots ]
-and we can explore it, this shadow part
and know what its like to be it
and knowing that we can be that,
allowing us to make the choice when to be it in the future…..
♪   looking into a mirror –
and saying to your reflection what it is that is annoying you about someone else –
and really go for it!
e.g. ‘I’m sick and tired of you doing………….’
‘You are………..’
and do over and over it til there’s no charge left……
.and when doing so…
…perhaps you will notice when it is you act that way, and say
‘I understand… I understand how this can happen’
…perhaps you will accept that you can be vulnerable  in that you wish to be loved/respected/….
…perhaps you will consider why you can be so needy as to  hide this part from yourself, to be loved/respected/…
~ and coming across someone like that, they can help us understand this shadow…
and in doing this with the mirror, we can realise…
♪ every time saw someone/something didn’t like, can say ‘I am like that, they are within me’
♪ imagine a newspaper article about you-what wouldn’t you like being written about you? what 5 things would not matter to you? {plus what would you like said about you? for light shadows?}
ask self; are the 1st things true and others not true? or have you with help of friends/family decided that theses are not ways to be, so you don’t want them said about you
♪….uncover what’s behind these words, so we can take back these disowned parts…write down judgements you have, see if you can identify where this first judgement came from, when you first judged it or whom u took the judgement from- mother? father?? ?
♪ write a letter to the trait you dislike/ hate – saying what you hate about it
♪ do the ‘bus ride’ with the ‘sub personalities’ exercise from Debbie ford’s book. More details are in the book, but is essentially, imagining getting on a bus, and meeting one of your sub-personalities on the bus,  naming them, e.g. angry Annie. Get off the bus with them, sit on a bench, and listen to them, find the gifts they have to offer, and ask what we can do to integrate them into ourselves, and then walk with them back to the bus. and come back.  [ When I first learned this, I did this (with a variety of shadows) every day for a couple of months (with about 2-3 shadows each day), and still do this if something triggers me now.  I had no idea that I had so many shadows! ]
♪ realise – there is no longer a felt need to be good enough…..
{well liberating – I am evil I am, and good, but I am evil too! and C is very happy to be stupid as well as very clever. what a relief!  (and quite exciting to feel that freedom too). of course when we recognise these parts, we can usually choose if and when we wish to act in a certain way, but still knowing that we in certain life situations/life paths are at least capable of this shadow, it somehow is a great relief. i have no intention of going out and being ‘evil’, but i know it’s possible for any of us to be so. }
“ also realising
we are a consciousness – spilt into a myriad of consciousnesses
a myriad of pieces….to explore ourselves
we are a fraction of a whole
our job with this, is to reclaim us back
so I know all aspect of my self……
“if you don’t see yourself as a microcosm of the entire universe, you’ll continue to live your life as a separate individual, looking outward instead of inward for answers and direction…maintaining illusion that your not really connected…..and stay behind d mask to feel safe and secure….
but if you embrace the totality of the universe within yourself, you embrace the totality of the human race”

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Don’t splat yourself on people!
e.g. if we suppress anger. rage, enraging self, we can make ourselves sick/depressed/etc with it-
then rage can work itself out
-don’t splat it on people
instead of splatting and saying  I’m angry at you, or ‘you’re making me feel that ‘
you can say  ‘I’m angry’ or
‘I’m angry because I’m telling myself that…….’
……’and I’m feeling that’…
[non violent communication by m rosenburg is excellent too ‘when you….i feel……could you/we…..’)
and if we do our personal shadow work, of course, it can remove any rage/urge to splat!]

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Burn your bridges……..Remove anything that keeps you being fully engaged in the present
…Close any ‘backdoors’… any doors that give you excuses not to do what it is you truly wish to do…
…step into  your dreams
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Step out of any drama triangles
freeing yourselves and others from the binds of ‘perpetrator, victim and rescuer’ – don’t        allows self to be caught in any of these – (hey – i guess we have to own them as shadows though?)
practice non engagement in predatory relationships (can be easier when done ancestor work)
if conflict, don’t waste energy
if someone’s angling for a fight, don’t have buttons they can press (shadow work)
if find buttons are being pressed – do shadow work on these
Don’t hold people as anything.
hold anyone as anything, and you’re holding parts of yourself
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
Find your power, own it and work with it
“““““

 

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