music:jeremy storch, i feel a new shadow. i love this song…i get this feeling sometimes when i discover a new shadow piece to integrate… reminds me of getting on whichever journey i take to integrate this shadow 🙂
i find this to be amazing work, even shadow pieces i would have thought i would have no way been able to accept as part of myself, logically, my mind could not work it out, or even want to, i’ve done one of these exercises, and found the gift, accepted and integrated the part, found so much wisdom, and felt so much benefit. it still keeps amazing me even now….
re-integrating these parts, to me, is basically finding the gifts in these parts of ourselves. finding in which way these qualities/traits can actually useful when used in certain situations. when noticed, accepted and integrated, then we can choose to step in or out of these qualities/traits/roles as we choose, so that we can use these qualities when they are of benefit to a situation (whereas, before, like trying to hold inflated beach balls underwater, they could pop up anytime).
in the various processes, as well as noticing the behaviour in others, i have found it useful to see where in my life i have unconsciously acted this quality/trait (e.g. when the beach ball popped out of the water).
if it’s a trait i’ve noticed as a projection onto someone else, i find it is especially important to take back this projection from them, and owning it as part of myself (rather than just seeing it as part of them), this frees them from being my projection screen…from my perceiving them to be something that they are not actually being at that time….and frees me from projecting myself out onto others….
there are various ways of finding the gift of these qualities, i often usethe ’journeying’ exercise – a way to meet, give a names to these parts of ourselves, and ask them questions to find what the gift it, and how to integrate this quality back into our ‘self’. i had a lot of hidden parts to find, so i also found various ‘journeys’ to meet and ask these questions, and integrate these parts – basically the same process, but in different settings.
other ways i like using is finding the body posture, attitude etc of this part, and answering ‘interview questions’ as this part (as taught by chris waters). this is a way, essentially to physically do what is done in the journey, with the added benefit of experiencing it more fully in the body. when embodying the part, the answers just come, even when i couldn’t have guessed the answer before i embodied the part.
i also try to incorporate my knowledge of shadow work in every day life, where relevant too…. going through this, has for example, made me even more aware of what i say to myself, and to my son…
another practice’ myself and my son do is by verbally bringing these parts out into the open, my son felt lots of relief when he experimenting with saying out loud, repeating ‘i am stupid, i am clever’….he had put on himself a fear of being stupid, and that helped release it a bit without even the exercise. he does go to a mainstream school, and has once again, been triggered by the word stupid, but i was able to with what i said, in a kinda indirect way, give a gentle reminder that we are all stupid sometimes…..and thats ok, its just a matter of timing…. (he’s not tried any of the journeying etc exercises yet…maybe one day, but for now as a parent, i just like to try do what i can to minimise the amounts of part of him he feels he has to hide 😉
we also talk of going to various ‘modes’ or ‘roles’ of these qualities/traits. e.g. realising and saying ‘i’m in angry role’, can quickly diffuse a situation for example by labelling it just as a role. me asking for him to do a ‘listening role’, asks him to listen, without saying the ignoring is ‘bad’, implying that ignoring is just another role to step in or out of. playing with these roles can help remind us that they all are roles we can step in out of that can be beneficial in various situations, and with us, often results in playing around, stepping in and out of roles quickly ‘’silly role’, ‘serious role’, ‘quiet role’ ‘loud role’( and of course ‘forward role/roll’ and ‘toilet role/roll’ are thrown in for good measure).
also, when i remember, if my son is doing something i’m not keen on him doing at that moment, i try not to say that a behaviour is ‘bad’, but to say something like ‘it’s great to be loud at some times, but this is a time when it would be great to be quiet’
and i try to remember to admit when accused of, or being complimented; ‘yes i can be like that sometimes’, and making a note if i’m triggered and it’s a shadow part to integrate it later – and to try remember, if i’m triggered strongly, that even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time, they are helping me find my hidden parts so i can become more wholly myself…..
one more note, i remember thinking that if when someone is complimenting me, it’s most likely a projection of themselves, that means they are talking about themselves not me – though i realised after a while that of course, we are all everything, so that complimented quality is part of me too 😉
i must admit i like being a projection screen/mirror for the nicer shadows for people, but even then i feel happier for them own it in themselves too…not for me to keep it to myself…. while it can be difficult at times i suppose, i know being a projection screen/mirror for the, how can put it, more challenging? shadows, is of a service to them too….especially if they can do their shadow work for it….